- Drugs
- Friends & Family
submitted by: Susanne Johnson
I am a singer and songwriter living in Nashville, TN. I have been in and around the music business and its different genres of music (gospel, country, and pop) for my entire life. I know and have been around folks who are functioning addicts, but they would never use the word “addict” to describe themselves. Most used some form of drug almost daily for years. I was one of those folks too, except I was the one who wanted to do more and more and more and more. The phrase, “One’s too many and a thousand’s not enough,” fits me perfectly.
My sobriety date is February 24, 2013. I was taught in treatment that I was in “discovery” while there and that my “recovery” started when the treatment was over, so I have been in recovery since June 2013. I have been using drugs since 1976. As with many others, it started innocently enough with smoking pot. Within two years I had escalated to Quaaludes, Tuinals and Desoxyn. After these powerful pills came cocaine and hallucinogens. Although I wasn’t always “on something,” I let 35 years fly by without ever getting clean. Over the next three decades, I recorded albums for major labels, received several awards and had number one songs. I’m ashamed to say that while receiving the “Songwriter of the Year” award in 2010, I was high as a kite.
My addiction affected my life in many ways. I lied to my loved ones about my drug use and manipulated people to get what I wanted. I was never honest with any girl I ever dated. I put people and things that deserved to be in the forefront on the back-burner. I had a quadruple bypass when I was 43. Today I am 56 years young and have remained single my entire life, but this should come as no surprise since my main love affair was with drugs.
I went to treatment for the first time for the entire summer of 2011. After returning home I threw myself into a bad relationship that lasted three months. Between that and having to find a new place to live, I fell into my old habits and was soon taking pills again. This lasted about nine months. I have reached quite a few “bottoms” during my life. Fortunately I have never gotten into any legal trouble, but that is a miracle, because I did quite a few things over the years that weren’t really “legal.” The bypass surgery certainly didn’t slow me down. If anything it actually escalated the pain pill problem that already existed. When I left the hospital in October 2002, I left with a 90-day supply of oxycodone. When that ran out, they gave me another three-month supply. By now I was so strung out, and there was no turning back. Those pills had their hooks in me. One bottom that I remember feeling bad about was during Christmas 2012. As was my normal way, I took extra doses to “get through” the holidays. I was nodding out and slurring my words when my brother asked me to leave his house after one of his kids asked, “What’s wrong with Uncle Rusty?” What I thought was just a really cool buzz ruined Christmas, and it was all my fault. Add my mother’s tears to the scene, and I was now facing a bottom that just tore at my soul. I called my original treatment program, and they arranged for me to come back and go through treatment again.
Treatment and my new-found recovery have changed my life. While I was in treatment, the counselors would ask me to sing and play songs for the other clients. I would perform songs that had some sort of story pertaining to the lives of most of the people there. After doing this for a couple months, seeing the reactions to the songs and having everyone who heard them ask where they could find my music, I started thinking about recording a recovery-themed album. When my 90 days were over, I knew in my heart that I still wasn’t ready to return to Nashville and the world that awaited me there, so I ended up being asked to stay and work at the treatment center for another year and a half. I did lots of different jobs there. I drove one of the vans to shuttle clients here and there, mostly to doctor, dental or legal meetings. I was a house manager on certain nights and was the only staff member on duty to give out meds and drug tests. I would greet family members on weekends and play my songs now and then. I spent those 18 months learning and arranging the songs that are now on my new album “SOBER.” I want my music to matter and to be heard by as many people as possible. I’ve never been more proud of anything musically in my life and hope my music will find its way into the ears and hearts of many for years to come.
Music is a healer, and I hope that I can help others find the same positive outlook on sobriety and recovery that I have. I look forward to hopefully meeting some of you someday soon.