- Drugs
My Dad died, when I was only 13 years old. That sent me into a terrible tailspin that would continue for a lot of years. I tried to commit suicide by overdosing on Tylenol right after my father’s death. A couple years later a girl at school gave me a pill—Percocet, I think. I liked the way it made me feel. Not only did I lose my father, but I was also gay, and I needed an escape from the shame and stigma I felt. People, including my mother, disapproved. Little did I know that I was just exchanging one shame for another. Over time I needed more and more pills to get that same good feeling. It became a vicious cycle of looking for pills, feeling better and then feeling horrible, when they wore off. I began drinking to excess on top of the pills. I lost control of my life. One year I was given $4000 as a very special gift from a relative for my birthday. I blew all of it on pills. I had to take them all the time now just to feel normal, and I hated it.
In 2010 I lost a close friend to a drug overdose. I cut back on my drug use after that. I guess it scared me. Six months later another one of my closest friends died of a drug overdose, and that snapped me into reality. I knew if I kept on the way I was going, I would be joining them. It was the last time I popped a pill. It wasn’t easy. I was grieving the loss of my friends, but like I said I knew I had to quit or become the next one to go. With a lot of support I made it into a lasting recovery.
About a year into my sobriety I felt like I really wanted to (and could) get my life on a positive track. I am now 2 ½ years into recovery, and a lot has changed. I have lost 130 pounds (yes, I needed to lose all that), and I am in college. The gym that helped me get in shape was so impressed, they gave me a job. Life is good! If you told me 3 years ago that I would be where I am today, I would not have believed it. I am filled with gratitude and hope each day. I’m happy to be alive, because I came so close to losing my life. Do I struggle? Absolutely, some days I do. But overall life is wonderful sober! I highly recommend it.