- Faith
For whatever reason, the month of December rolls around and I tend to get more introspective. I begin to examine what my life looked like many holiday seasons past as compared to now and have trouble putting into words how different things are.
I entered sobriety kicking and screaming as a confused and out-of-control 23 year-old boy. I was isolated in my thoughts and actions; yet, was dying of loneliness. I felt I had all of the answers but had exhausted them to no success. I look at what my life has become, and I feel an overwhelming sense of gratitude to the helping hand of my twelve step program, the place where I found my spiritual recovery. I have a beautiful, caring, intelligent wife who has given me a handsome son and precious daughter. We have a massive, slobbery dope of a dog named London who reminds me that patience needs to be an ever-present part of my personal recovery. I have friends who care whether I live or die, who allow me to vent and then look at me and say, “I’m sure that’s all true, Josh . . .When was the last time you said you went to a meeting?” I could go on about material possessions lost and gained. I can tell you more about my growing family. I can even tell you that, through my twelve step program, I have more friends than I have digits for. While I am massively grateful for these things, none of them compare to the void that my higher power has helped me fill. Once an empty space that I stuffed with drugs and alcohol is now full of happiness, hope and the feeling that I have someone who will walk with me through my journey—the sense that I am not alone, and never have to be again.