- Drugs
My name is Dawn. I am 49 years old, a senior executive at a large financial institution and I am happily married. I am also the proud mom of two sons in recovery from the disease of addiction.
When the boys were young, they were energetic, fun loving, sweet and they loved sports. As they entered high school they were still very active in sports. My oldest son (Ricky) was captain of his football team and in his senior year they won the state championship. He also played lacrosse and wrestled in high school. He experienced several knee injuries resulting in surgeries and by the age of 20 he had 4 knee surgeries including a meniscal transplant.
Although he had begun to get high with weed and drink excessively in high school, these surgeries introduced him to pain medication. He seemed to have such a bright future ahead of him. He went off to college with his best friend Tyler and he quickly failed out of school. His addiction was taking over his life and he was struggling to function. When you looked at him, he looked like a zombie and his expressions were lifeless. Ricky and Tyler got arrested and spent a small amount of time in jail for possession. I knew he was not going in the right direction but I did not know at this time that his disease had taken all of his moral values away. He stole from family members and as a mom it was heartbreaking to see my dad and mother-in-law going through such turmoil. They really did not understand the disease of addiction.
After the first 5-day detox, Ricky and I talked through some emotional issues that had been bothering him. That evening, he had a car accident which put him back in the hospital with a dislocated hip and they immediately put him on morphine (reversing all the detox which had just happened). Over the next few years we went through several ups and downs. I read everything I could about the disease of addiction. I attended parent sessions and listened. I needed to understand this disease in order for our family to get through this crisis. Ricky attended two rehab centers that focused on detoxifying him but did not focus on his chronic pain. Finally a place in California focused on both and after 3 months he was on his way home to an Oxford House.
Ricky came home in December 2011. I was so excited because he has missed the last Christmas and I was looking forward to wonderful family time. I know his journey has not been easy and he chose a different recovery path with the support of family, friends and his wonderful girlfriend.
My younger son (Andy) played lacrosse and football. He was an all American lacrosse player. As he transitioned to college, he also seemed to have a bright future ahead of him. What I did not know at this time was that he was deep into drinking and getting high on weed and his addiction had begun to take over. Andy watched his brother suffer with addiction but never recognized that he also had the disease. It was after failing several semesters of school at college that we realized Andy had a problem.
We moved him home from the dorms and he continued with school. He insisted he could get clean on his own. We gave him that chance and he stayed clean for 6 months or so but then fell back into the disease of addiction. His moral values were compromised and he stole money from family along with bringing his laptop to a pawn shop. He finally went to in-patient treatment in December 2013 and he missed Christmas with the family. This was difficult again because it is such a special family time but it was more important for him to get well.
He was declined for services after only two weeks because he “came from a loving family and was not suicidal.” Based on my experience with Ricky, I knew Andy needed more time and we paid for another two weeks. It was crazy to me that there was such a disconnect between the treatment needed and what was getting approved. Andy relapsed within 6 weeks and went back for treatment. He realized how quickly his life was out of control again.
I am very happy to tell you that both boys are still successfully in recovery. Through this journey, we lost Tyler to an accidental overdose. It was devastating for our whole family because he was Ricky’s best friend and like a “third son” for us. Tyler’s parents created a group called atTAcK addiction which is raising awareness around addiction, changing the laws for the future and working with state regulators to increase facilities locally. I admire the Tyler’s family for their courage to change the future.
Through all the pain and sadness that you feel as a mom, I often tell my boys that we are on this journey for a reason. The numbers of people who have reached out to me are endless. I have become a spokesperson for this disease. I completed a presentation in the workplace to talk about the disease of addiction and the impact it has on families. The presentation I did yielded over 50 comments / requests for information and help from people who were impacted by addiction.
I count my blessings every day and I am not sure why I am one of the lucky ones. I have two boys with more courage than anyone could imagine. These boys have had obstacles in their lives that many don’t have during an entire lifetime. I could not be more proud of them. I am honored to be their mom.
If I were to leave you with 3 lessons learned along this journey, they would be:
1. Talk about addiction to spread awareness and erase the stigma (there are more people impacted than you can imagine); 2. Provide the “hard love” versus enabling your child (a really tough one); and 3. Provide unconditional love at all times.
Although this journey will be ongoing, I am so excited to see my sons grow and have productive lives in this world.