- Alcohol
- Drugs
It seems so simple in hindsight: All of those days that have piled up since August 1, 1985. From the true surrender that started it all, to the gift of waking each day. Sometimes I get caught up in thinking that today’s small challenges are big. Then I remember all of those mornings of waking up, determined to “do better”, or “be stronger”, and the crushing disappointment as I ended the day (usually early in the morning) not having changed a thing.
I’ve been blessed with second, third, and countless other chances. I’ve been given the gift of forgiveness by people I had wronged in terrible fashions that ultimately allowed me to begin forgiving myself. I’ve been able to help others see that change is possible, that what we see on the outside is rarely a true expression of the inside, that anything is possible if we only give up the notion that we must do it alone.
Tomorrow? Who knows if I’ll get it, but I plan to keep adding to the total. As of this writing, my miraculous number just passed 10,500 – all one day at a time. Today? I just need to remember that it is a gift, that I may be the teacher or the student (never knowing which and prepared to be either), and that someone is watching. My small act may be the difference, just like so many small acts combined to get the message loud enough in my head to get my attention.
Selfless life and selfish recovery: I must take care of me first, so that I can be there for others. I will never undo the times I wasn’t there, once upon a time, but I can work to make sure that my today is my 100%.