- Alcohol
- Drugs
- Mental Health
Addiction…in one moment becomes the leash and collar that can hold you back from life. I believe that there is no one person who fell into these dark waters that should feel guilty; and this is coming from a female who fights guilt every day.
We all have our reasons that we turned to drugs and alcohol: genetics, shy and wanting to fit in…etc. Or like in my case it was a mask–a costume I wore since I was 13 years old. I used to forget, I used to be stronger. A little history: I came from abuse: physical…mental…sexual.
You can understand where I sunk…but I do want to share the beginning of Sherri’s recovery. It began when I couldn’t drink enough or add more pills and my ability to function as an addict was becoming ugly…angry. I would overdose sometimes. I would black out on purpose because something scary was happening inside my head. But the ME when I was full functioning carried the load of 4 kids and 3 jobs with no problems, man things were getting dark. I hit rock bottom. My kids were patching me up from falling. The things they saw, the things I was saying…I remember my last drink and drugs….I could have died. I was in bad shape…and then, I quit…that’s it. It has been almost two years. What a journey I have been on.
DONT QUIT…it does get better. Some days are easier than others. I have to face my past now but now I have the help of an amazing lady. I suffer from PTSD, agoraphobia and anxiety. I have horrible panic attacks…BUT I AM DOING THIS SOBER.
Sometimes I want to go back so I can forget, but I fight. I feel like a boxer alone in the ring with a bottle representing my past, shaking the bottle in my face trying to get me to give up so all my sickness will go away. No more memories no more pain, no more feeling like a dirty nobody.
So I write a lot, I walk a lot. I find being in nature helps soothe me and my urges. I am a gum addict now. But I sometimes sugar over the memory of what I said to my children. There is no contest…stay focused…that’s what I do. I think about why I am staying straight. I write a list of prose and cons. I listen to music, I do whatever I can to face my past SOBER.
THIS IS POSSIBLE. My sessions are getting deeper and harder on me, and I won’t lie….it’s hard not to stop at the store and ask my old friends for some morphine. But I KEEP ON FIGHTING. I stay away from the people I used to hang out with that have a big DANGER sign around them. So I have Hendrix, my dog, and my children. I am keeping them above the pain. You will be surprised where you may find your strength…stay strong.