- Alcohol
- Drugs
My name is Sean, and this is my story of pain, addiction, struggle, recovery and hope.
My story starts out at a very young age. It does not start with drugs and alcohol. My story begins with lies. I can remember in elementary school trying to fit in. My sister was a straight A student. I was a struggling student with maybe a C-, D average. I just wanted to be smart like the rest of my family. My mom is highly educated and my dad is a physics teacher at a high school just outside of town. In elementary school, I was deemed “Special Ed,” whatever that might mean. I can remember wanting to be like my sister so badly because she was ambitious and intelligent. I would take her homework and her school art work and turn it in to my teachers as my own. I was naïve, and the teachers quickly caught on; they called my parents to let them know what I was up to. I would of course lie to my parents and sometimes I would get away with it, but sometimes I wouldn’t. It did not matter; I continued this pattern for years.
In middle school and high school, I just wanted to fit in. I was a student who did not really care much for grades. I had an attitude of indifference and a worthless self-esteem. I would try sports, clubs, and band, wearing different clothes and trying in some classes and not in others. I was always striving to do my best in business classes and failing to care about every other subject. I began to steal, lie, use drugs, drink and create a great amount of mistrust between friends and family at this time in my life.
My true journey with pain and addiction begins after high school. After high school, I worked at a local farm entertainment company as a camp counselor and farm manager. I began to drink and use drugs heavily, missing work, slacking on the job and lying to my employer. I eventually got in trouble with the law, getting an MIP (minor in possession), retail fraud, and many incidents of “driving under suspension” to follow. I decided that probation just was not working and the job was not in my priorities anymore, as drugs and alcohol had taken their place. I asked my grandma if I could move out to Arizona to live with her.
In Arizona, I started out living with my grandma and trying school to please my parents one more time. Of course, that did not last long before I got a job at a local restaurant. Starting out, I was working and going to school. After a month or so I befriended two girls. Little did I know I was headed for a life of hell, drugs and alcohol. It was not long after I met these two girls that I become addicted to crystal meth. At this point, I had quit school, stopped sleeping at my grandmas, and was living permanently in the girls’ house. That quickly turned into nightly weed, crystal meth and alcohol parties. It led to the girls becoming strippers a few towns over, and then we had Ecstasy, mushrooms, and drugs I do not even remember. It was a hell I ran through. This period lasted maybe 6-8 months. I knew at this point I had a problem. It was New Year’s Eve and I was visiting my family. The whole family had come to Arizona for the holidays. I wanted to go out with my friends and party. My night began with me stealing my mom’s credit card and having a night out on the town. My night of fun was short-lived with constant text messages for me to return the credit card.
Within a week I was homeless in Long Beach, California. With a whole lot of begging and a few meaningless apologies over text, I ended up in Michael’s House in Palm Springs, California. There I had a powerful connection with recovering addicts, encouraging staff, and a therapist who believed in me. This was a time of healing, commitment and mending. We had family counseling sessions that were tremendous and brought my family together in my treatment to start the process of recovery together. We had group sessions to share our stories and to become educated about drugs and alcohol. We had individualized therapy and doctor’s appointments, all instrumental in my recovery.
Michael’s House started a journey. Not an easy one, but a journey of hope, lasting connections and a true foundation that would become the most amazing time of my life. Little did I know recovery would be a struggle filled with sadness, fear, hope, joy, an up-and-down sense of self, encouragement and passion.
Today, I am still sober. My sobriety has been a struggle and an awesome time. I have made many mistakes. Coming out of Michael’s House, I had to leave my old patterns behind and create new ones. I was told to empty my phone of all numbers, create new sober friends, and to retrain my brain for a new way of thinking. This has provided a story that will forever be with me. In sobriety, I still feel lost at times, but I now have real friends to call and the full support of Foundations Recovery Network. Some of my triumphs have been making friends, understanding my depression, my disease, and my brain.
In sobriety, I still make mistakes and am still figuring out who I really am. I have spent money I should not have, I have told lies, I have felt useless, slept with men—even though I’m not gay –for a sense of connection, and I have overcome and achieved great things. Today I have a job, a house, a few friends and a loving support system. The longer I stay sober, the more the miracle starts to happen. I have no need to lie today, I have no need to steal, I have gotten my driver’s license back and I have my family. This journey is filled with ups and downs, but today I fit in, and today I am blessed. I share this story in hope that maybe, just maybe, I can help one person overcome this disease of addiction. There is hope, there is recovery, and there is an awesome life to be lived. I am living proof. I am a Hero.
Sean H. Morrison
Heroes in Recovery Team/Lead Advocate