By Travis Dow
//I’m all out of answers
for a friend that I see
slippin’ out of reach//
These are some lyrics from a song I wrote about a musician friend with an addiction problem. It was written for anyone who has dealt with a loved one in the grips of an addiction. Anyone who has had an addiction themselves can relate to it as well. The cycle of self-destruction can be halted in many ways. This is simply one of them.
The song has a personal element for me, and in many ways was inspired by a line from the motion picture A River Runs Through It: “Why is it that the people that need the most help won’t take it?”
Creating music together has an indescribable way of moving an environment from the normal to the sublime – there’s a unique connection that happens between the artists. Once, after a lonely stint on my own in Nashville, I realized how much I missed the camaraderie that comes from bonding with other musicians. But with that nearly indestructible bond, there is also conflict and pain.
Musicians often turn to drugs and alcohol when they face the challenges of life as a performer. There are long nights on the road and not much financial compensation. You are away from family and friends and there are always opportunities to drink and do drugs after performance parties. Once, I was accused of trying to steal a girl from a band member when all I was doing was signing her album and encouraging her to come out to more gigs. My friend got very drunk onstage and made comments to the audience about me and this girl the next night. He embarrassed everyone, including himself. Here’s what I wrote :
//Can’t help feeling like I failed you
I don’t know how to save you from yourself.//
Sometimes on the road or just to save money, we lived together for weeks, even months—once in a single wide trailer! The band became my family and my friends. We had strong ties. We depended on each other and confided our deepest feelings. We touched each other’s souls when we wrote and played our music but there were also contentious times. We dealt with marriage, divorce, flirtation, death of a spouse, financial crises, child support, child care, car problems, job loss, and, well – the stuff of life!
Alcohol and drugs often wreaked havoc within the dynamics of a band. It was during one of these times when I didn’t know what else to do to help my friend. He was in deep trouble emotionally, financially, and even with the law. I wrote:
//I’ve tried to be on your side
I’ve even bailed you out a time or two //
//Right now you might hate me // someday you might thank me
Either way I’ll love you ‘til I die//
// Someday you might thank me
Either way I’ll love you ‘til I die//
I turned to my music to express my feelings in the song, Tough Love. If you are close to someone with an addiction you know how hard it is to be supportive when you’ve tried everything.
[A note to this story: After writing to Heroes, Travis Dow was diagnosed with lymphoma, an aggressive type of cancer. He was treated at City of Hope, a major cancer research center in Los Angeles. He endured his condition bravely and with persistence. As of January 2013, Travis is no longer with us. We hope his message of encouragement for recovery and for fighting on throughout life’s struggles will resonate with our readers for a long time to come. You can read a little more about Travis through a story submitted by his mother, Madeleine Dow: “Love Gets Tougher.” This addendum has been submitted per her request so that others can be inspired by Travis’s life, strength and story.]