- Alcohol
Several years ago I dated an alcoholic. Throughout our four year relationship, I never even knew he had a problem. After he realized the extent of his problem, he moved closer to his parents and later entered an addiction treatment center. Our young, naïve relationship could not survive the distance, the confusion and the vast change. Eventually our relationship ended. I heard from him for a few months. He was doing better and getting the help he needed to overcome his problem. We slowly stopped talking, and after about a year, I realized how angry I was. I was never given the chance to heal or work through the shocking fact that I had been dating an alcoholic. Gradually memories turned into aches and reminders that I too had suffered at the hand of alcoholism. I felt pressured to drink, had to wake up in the middle of the night and drive him home because he was too drunk and went days without hearing from him when I thought he was working but he was actually just binging. His addiction wasn’t just his issue. It changed me in the worst possible ways, yet he was still the only one getting help for it. He was the only one recovering.
“Recovery begins from the darkest moment.” ~John Major
That statement is so close yet so far from the truth. I thought the darkest moment was the day my ex-boyfriend realized he had a drinking problem, but I rapidly understood that my darkest moment occurred when I became completely free from my misguided emotions for him. At that point in time, my true feelings were able to come out and be front and center. I had always resented how he made me feel about myself. It actually did bother me to go pick him up from the bars at four in the morning. I laughed every time he was drunk and encouraged me to, “catch up.” I laughed not because it was funny but because I would become infuriated and laughing it off was how I dealt with it. One of the reasons I became indignant was because a part of me knew that I had enabled his drinking, tucked my true feelings away and not sought help when I should have. My method of coping was not healthy. It took my support group and lots of self-discovery to get to where I am today.
For any of those that are currently recovering from being or living life as the partner of an alcoholic, I hope you realize that while it may not be your issue, it can still affect you negatively. Finding your darkest moment can send you on your path to recovery and self-love. I strongly recommend finding a support group that works for you (whether it is an online chat group, a workout group, a meditation class or anything!) and sticking with it. The support you need to get through such a difficult time is more than you can ever possibly imagine. In the end you will be grateful for those that were there.