- Friends & Family
- Mental Health
Submitted by: Susanne Johnson
My drinking spiraled out of control the last year of my drinking. I had long considered myself alcoholic but never intuitively understood what alcoholic meant.
On June 2, 2007, I learned that my employer of 9.5 years no longer needed my services. Depression settled in on a different level. I got comfortable as a functioning alcoholic until I was no longer functioning or responding to the needs of others. On June 26, 2007, I left my abusive husband as I thought he was the problem. I was 31, jobless and living with my parents for the first time since I was 18. Of course I drank!
On October 26, 2007, my younger brother died drunk. So therefore I drank. My drinking catapulted to another dimension. For the next four months, I drank day in and day out. I drank myself into losing a dual custody battle for my children. I drank myself into alcoholic withdrawal seizures. I had no clue that I was physically and mentally unable to quit drinking on my own until I had a brief release. I found then that I had zero control when it came to alcohol. My life was unmanageable! I had found a deeper bottom. At this point I called for help.
I signed up for inpatient treatment. I just had to make it through one more night. That night I begged a God I did not understand to stop the pain. I fell to my knees and begged him to, “Stop the pain please.” I had heard that help was there if you wanted it, but I didn’t ask until then. The next morning I came to, and for the first time in what felt like forever, I did not want a drink. I wasn’t jonesing by 4pm; I had zero desire to drink. I have not had the desire since I begged God to stop the pain. I went to treatment, got a sponsor, went to more than 90 meetings in 90 days and started the steps. Seven years and many meetings later, first sponsor still in place and having worked the steps more than once, I have the best life I could ever imagine. There have been some ups and downs, but alcohol has not been an option. A fleeting thought, yes, but never an option! Thanks to a higher power and the 12 steps, the desire to drink has been lifted. Today I have a life I value!