Training a Thought
Back at square one! A feeling I keep very close to me is how it felt at the beginning. We have to start somewhere. What are some of the things that get us thinking about starting a journey of recovery?
1. First and foremost, something triggers us to have this thought in the first place…figure out what it is. Why?
2. Realizing that we don’t know why we are drinking, drugging or whatever else we are doing (addiction related)?
3. We figure out we don’t even like it anymore; we are just doing it because it is routine (what we know).
4. It causes us problems, for whatever reason (fill in the blank).
5. We are unmotivated.
6. We choose our addiction over what we really love and care about (goals/life ambitions/relationships/family).
7. How does it make us feel? For some people, everything is good. They are able to maintain, all areas of their life seem like they are going well, although inside they don’t feel well at all. There are people in recovery that are very successful, respectfully, through professional endeavors, wealth, or higher education. It came down to what their addiction made them feel like on the inside. For others, it is a lot more obvious (this was me).
8. Failing at past attempts, it gets bad again.
9. Finding a way to be a moderate user is not working.
10. Seeing that other people are in recovery.
There are many more circumstances to add to this list. I wanted to outline some key patterns that I have personally experienced, or patterns that others I know have experienced which lead us toward recovery. Now, let’s look at the reasons why we may shy away from taking the leap.
1. We can deal with it tomorrow.
2. Who cares, we are allowed to do what we want. We have a freedom to choose the way we spend our time.
3. We have made excuses for it not being a “big” problem (denial).
4. When we think about the past we don’t want to deal with it, so much has happened it is easier to ignore it instead. Then we think about the future, life without the substance seems impossible. Therefore, it is too hard to deal with so continuing to follow the same pattern seems easier.
5. Fear of not having a social life without the substance.
6. Losing our friends.
7. No more enjoyment in life.
8. Feeling like it is not possible for us to quit.
9. Pride and ego get in the way.
10. Things are going to get better because they have to.
This second list has caused a lot of problems. The discouragement that is generated from this second list is so powerful. Many people will stay in active addiction/die from it because of those thoughts. Here are some things to remember that can negate the previous list.
1. We are not promised tomorrow.
2. Think about how active addiction affects the people around us, ask people around you how the behavior affects them.
3. Denial is a very strong and scary defense mechanism. Ignoring the truth can cause us to make irreversible decisions/send us to a premature death, cause more pain and sadness while potentially causing many different losses.
4. We can’t do anything about the past, it is over. The future does not exist. All we have is right now. Through recovery, making peace with the past is one of my most favorite parts about it. I had so many reservations from my past and it weighed me down. By addressing it, I can leave it in the past. I stopped projecting my path into the future. Let go of my expectations and began living my life by the present day. When something I can’t control comes up in my life, I take a step back and ask God for some guidance. Shortly after I think about all the reasons why I made the decision to get sober in the first place.
5. It will be really hard to have a social life if we aren’t around to have one.
6. This is a tough one, when it comes down to it though real friends will respect our decision to stop the behavior. We have to put ourselves first and trust that everything else will work itself out; it has and continues to for me.
7. I felt this way; my life was going to be boring. You see though, all I did was get high or drunk. Therefore, now that I don’t do the two things I always did, I do everything else. Finding real genuine enjoyment is such an amazing gift. After being so unhappy for so long, finding happiness is such a relief.
8. I too did not think it was possible! If it is possible for me, it is definitely possible for you.
9. Knock your pride and ego aside and live your life. Do the things you are passionate about, set up goals. What have you always wanted to do? Do It!
10. Things can and will get worse. Ask for Help!
We all start with a similar mind set! I have to remember these lists. The discouragement list is the disease of addiction talking to us. The other two lists are our defenses that fight against it. The first listed the reasons why we should get started in the first place. The second reminds us why it is the better option. Just a bit of training our thoughts can help us find our way on new pathways.
Heroes In Recovery is such an awesome movement. I am so grateful to be an Advocate. It is very amazing to be seen as a hero. The fact that our stories can help inspire others is so sweet!!! If you are in recovery, know someone in recovery or are a family member of someone in recovery and would like to share your story you can go straight to our website, just mention Hillary sent you. You can find me on Facebook under Hillary Angela or email me at hillbelk@gmail.com. Look forward to hearing from you!
All my best,
Hillary