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Welcome to the Jungle

Margaret Phillips
| August 19, 2016

Coming off the heels of seeing Guns-n-Roses on tour in Washington, DC, I felt it only appropriate to title this blog after them. WOW! What a concert. In looking back over the past several blog titles, I’m starting to see a trend. Did you notice? They all seem to have an 80’s rocker theme. Livin’ on a Prayer, Affair of the Heart, and now Welcome to the Jungle.

What could this all mean? Absolutely nothing. Just pure coincidence; but I am a rocker at heart who enjoys music! The best part about seeing concerts today is that I get to enjoy them while I’m there (not from the floor of some nasty coliseum bathroom, passed out), and I remember the fun I had the next day (not hungover trying to figure out how I busted my lip).

What do concerts have to do with recovery? Let me explain. I get asked quite a bit by various people who either want help or are just starting to think they may have a problem– “What is life like without alcohol and drugs? What do you do for fun?” My basic response is pretty simple– life is awesome! And I do whatever I want in order to enjoy every minute of it! Now, that doesn’t mean everything always goes perfectly, that I get what I want, or that nothing bothers me. It is still life, so I’ve got ups and downs, too. The difference today is that I’m OK no matter what gets thrown my way. I can handle it while clean and sober.

As I think about life before recovery, I remember being terrified of how to live life without any alcohol or drugs mainly because I was scared of what was on the other side. How will I go to work? How will I go on dates? What will I do on Friday nights? Saturday nights? Any night for that matter? How can a person have fun at happy hour if she is not drinking?

To a “normal” person these questions don’t make any sense. But any alcoholic or addict will know exactly what I mean! It’s terrifying to think I have to attend a wedding and can’t drink. So, do I skip the reception? You can’t dance without a few drinks, right?

This is 100% crazy thinking! Stop it! I can tell you I’ve danced more in recovery than I ever did before. Now, it may not be pretty, but I don’t care. I’m having fun and living life which was something that I was unable to do in active addiction. On the outside, I may have acted as if I was having fun, but on the inside I can promise you the fun stopped before I ever graduated from high school. Yes, that’s true.

So Welcome to the Jungle! Or, welcome to life as most normal people know it. That scary place on the other side of addiction that we seem to be so terrified of because we don’t understand it and have never been over to that side. I’m here to tell you this jungle of recovery rocks!

Let me ask you a question. What’s more uncomfortable for you today? Waking up each morning knowing you are not going to be able to make it through the day without a drink or drug? That you are going to feel like crap for half of the work day and the other half you’ll be preoccupied with rushing out the door to get to the bar for happy hour? It’s what we (addicts) do. OR would you rather wake up feeling great, knowing you have unlimited choices in how to live your life on each particular day. The sky will be the limit and as a person in recovery, you’ll have a choice that day in whatever it is you want to do. That sounds like freedom to me. Not some scary place that is going to be boring.

Don’t let the fear of the unknown drive you to stay stuck and not ask for help. Push through the fear knowing there are a lot of us on the other side in recovery waiting for you and are willing to help you in the same way we were helped.

At one of my first meetings in the city I grew up in, I was greeted by someone who I used to party with at a local establishment. She had disappeared from the scene a few years prior and I didn’t know what happened to her. Now, I had not really been looking for her at the time, as I was deep into my own issues. After the meeting, she came up to me, gave me a big hug, and said, “glad you made it. I’ve been waiting.” Whoa! Not what I was expecting, but without a doubt that was exactly what I needed to hear. I love her dearly and she’s still in my recovery circle today. (Thanks Lee!)

The whole getting clean and sober thing is a process, but one you will not have to undertake alone. That’s the beauty of recovery. Simply by admitting you have a disease and seeking help you’ll be joined with a network of countless others doing the same thing. No, it is not a cult. If you have to label it then just say it is a support network.

I have a group of friends all over the world that no matter where I am, I can get to a 12 step meeting for an hour and immediately make connections. Can you say the same if walked into any bar or crack house in the world? I have a built-in network of support that I can tap into just by showing up to a meeting. A network that understands where I’ve been and how I live on a daily basis because they are all doing the same thing. I’m never alone no matter what. How often do you feel alone? My point is that you don’t have to feel that way. Reach out to someone and ask for help. It will be the best thing you’ve ever done. Just be sure you understand that best doesn’t mean easy. Big difference.

If you think you need help, then by all means ask for it. The jungle of life in active addiction is far worse than the jungle of life in recovery. I promise. Not sure where to start?

Here are some tips that helped me and others:

1. Admit to yourself you need help. Don’t let anyone who doesn’t understand the disease try to tell you it is not that bad. If you are questioning whether or not you have a problem, it’s highly likely you need some form of help.

2. Pick up the phone and call any resource in your area. If you are not sure what those resources may be, then call Foundations Recovery Network at (615) 490-9376. They can get you connected. Or call someone you know who is in long-term recovery. They’ll be glad to help you. Not sure where to find them? Go to a 12 step meeting.

3. Do whatever it takes to save your life. You are worth it. What’s worse? Not having a job because you were fired for being drunk at work OR to seek help and come back to a job after treatment, better and stronger. Never seeing your family again because they were taken from you OR not seeing your family for a month while you get better. Again, don’t let fear of what people will think of you keep you from seeking help.

Let me give you some food for thought in case you run into a similar situation. When I think about my first 12 step meeting at age 22, I have to laugh. The meeting was in the basement of the chapel on the campus of this large treatment center I had just been thrust into. It was in November, so it got dark really early. The stairs were on the outside of the chapel and led into a basement where you couldn’t see three feet in front of you because of all the cigarette smoke. At the time I was smoking, so that worked well for me. The people seemed old (most were probably the age I am now which is hilarious). Now, remember I had never been to a meeting, so everyone seemed creepy no matter what because I did not want to be there at all. The best part about this meeting was that it was a candlelight meeting. When I mentioned earlier about 12 step groups not being a cult it’s true. But at my first meeting I felt for sure they were once the candles came out!!

Now back to the candlelight meeting thing. The lights get turned off and there are lots of candles around the table. We open with some readings, people share about stuff, then (only in this particular meeting, as groups vary) we all stood up to hold hands to say a prayer. I was scared to death the entire time! What had I walked into? Who are these crazy people? Why are they so weird? Why do they want to hug me? Well I grew to love candlelight meetings and every single person in every meeting I went to because they all taught me something. I knew I could count on any one of them for help – no questions asked. The same will be true for you. Just give it a try.

Failure comes into play when you don’t try. Hugs are free.

Always Rockin’ It,

Margaret

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