- Drugs
- Friends & Family
Submitted by: Susanne Johnnson
“I remember when I was four years old, I took at my grandma’s baby aspirin bottle as I felt a little cold and took ten of the pills and dissolved them in a glass of water like kool-aid. I drank it and I felt immediately so much better,” starts Michelle, when she was asked at what age she discovered her addiction and started to use drugs or drink alcohol. But the real problems started when she was at the age of 12 and her parents got divorced and two of her grandparents died within a year. She loved the alcohol and it actually took her long before she discovered drugs as part of her story.
As an adult, Michelle’s parents really started to pay attention once she had her son. She was already 32 at that moment in life and had been doing drugs for the past ten years. Her parents knew that she drank, but didn’t know about any drug problems and had no idea about the severity of her disease. She bounced between both parents, staying where it was the easiest and most comfortable at any given moment. She used the divorce to manipulate them by changing her home and moving back and forth. Her first DUI happened as she was 19. Her dad, a fighter for responsibility and consequences of behavior and actions, wanted to leave her in jail, but her mom bailed her out.
At first, both parents were supportive of her recovery. They took her to the hospital, as she needed it, and got her into treatment where she had the opportunity to meet with psychologist and psychiatrist on regular basis.
One day she left hospital against medical advice again and a friend drove her to court as she tried to keep custody of her child. Michelle wanted her child to go to her best friend instead of her parents. She did not want him to go through the same things that she went through. Her parents are loving and not abusive, and she felt they always spoiled her child. It was difficult for Michelle to be a parent hearing from her 2-year old, “I want to go to grandma” or “I don’t like you” because of the way he was manipulated there. Michelle had her own fights to deal with and did not want to lose her son over this. “They treated him too good,” she says, “he got whatever he wanted.” After this dispute about her son, she could not come home anymore.
As Michelle had about three months of sobriety, she met a guy. Against all warnings from friends, she got involved with him. In her eyes, he was that kind of guy that her parents always wanted for her. He had a good job, had his own house, went hunting with Michelle’s dad.
But she later she found out that he lied the entire time to her. After dating him for a half year she moved in with him. Only two months later she realized her mistake. They both were using drugs again, and at some point she noticed signs of early child abuse. He told her that he was molested as a child and would never do that to any other child, but signs were there that he was molesting Michelle’s little boy. Michelle’s world broke apart and her parents helped her to move out right away.
Her parents took her straight to the hospital to get detoxed again. As she got out, she slept on friends couches, feeling hopeless and helpless. She called multiple treatment centers in search for help, but no one had a bed available for her that accepted Medicaid insurance, and she was unable to pay anything out of her own pocket. One recovery center in Mayfield had abed available, but they did not accept Medicaid. Because she was begging for help, they gave her a scholarship for 30 days to get her recovery started. Her journey was followed by a six-month stay in a long-term facility, which had space for someone with Medicaid available.
After she finished all the treatment, she moved into an apartment in a barn behind his dad’s home and got full custody back for her son. Their relationship has improved and for the most part they get along well. She still has a lot of problems in her life. She needs knee replacements, a back surgery, and has a chronic broken foot that requires medical attention. It is difficult for her to find a job this way, but hopefully she can start working in her father’s new business soon. “My parents are both phenomenal since I came back from long-term treatment. They support me any way they can.” She would like to be independent someday, but for now she has to take care of her medical well-being first and be a good parent to her 4-year old son. The father of the boy died of a heroin overdose about six months after Michelle left him.
“Learning to forgive is still one of my struggles today. I need to try not to let it take too much space in my head.”, she says. Reading recovery literature, having daily reflections, going to12-step meetings and going to church helps her overcome struggles. “I want my life to be simple today. I don’t want a lot of chaos today, because I thrived on the drama for so long,” said Michelle. “I’m still learning every day.”