Chutes and Ladders
Next, “You are not forever damaged by this.” Really? Are you sure? I felt pretty damaged and I felt pretty stupid, because I grew up with the knowledge. Shouldn’t I have learned something? I guess not! I never felt so judged and so looked down upon as I did the first time I was treated in the Emergency Department. It was all so sterile and so clinical. They took pictures and a statement, then someone from social services came in and gave me pamphlets to read. I just wanted treatment for my injuries and a little compassion! Patch me up, give me my meds and let me go! Instead, I was treated like a victim, who was an idiot, for being with someone who would inflict injuries on me! Who did these people think they were? They didn’t know me! They didn’t know anything about my life! To top it off, I could hear them laughing! Yes, the so called “caring” profession, were very people who were mocking me!
That wasn’t the hardest pill to swallow, it had nothing to do with me personally. It was simply ignorance on their part. I was the idiot! I remember every hit, every slap, every shove, and every punch. What’s worse, I remember the physical pain of how each hit felt, and the feeling of my hair being pulled. I remember the humiliation of a black eye or the many bruises that I couldn’t disguise. Most of all, I recall the pain and sorrow my heart felt each time I tried to reconcile, and failed, and finally had to walk away. However today, I use each and every one of those feelings and sensations to give me strength, and to remind me of the freedom I have achieved from that life.
Medicine helped to heal my physical wounds, counseling helped to sort through my feelings and emotions, my children gave me a reason to survive! God gave me back my life!