- Alcohol
- Faith
- Mental Health
- Other Addictions
I left my first husband in February 1991 after we lost our three-year-old daughter from partying all the time and neglecting her. The state of Louisiana removed from us for six months so we could get our priorities in line. This devastated me, so after I got her back, I did everything the judge said I should do. I decided to leave him and move to Texas where my mother and grandmother lived.
At that time, I was one month pregnant with my second daughter which gave me a reason to leave. Leaving the father of my daughters was the hardest, most excruciatingly emotional thing I have ever gone through in my life. I moved to Texas that February because the state said if they found any alcohol in the house, my kids would be taken forever.
I had another daughter in 1994, but got involved with a crack cocaine methamphetamine drug dealer for the next seven years and I lived my life like that, with him serving time in state prison. I got pregnant with him in 1997 and lost my son when I was four and half months pregnant because I had HIV and the father had been using crack.
In June 2002, my mother got in a car accident and had a stroke that left her paralyzed. I had to care for her and my three children. I was taking care of my three daughters, my helpless mother who and a drug dealer before things went completely out of control.
My boyfriend took me to a mental hospital a few days before my 36th birthday because I had shut down and couldn’t function anymore. While I was there, he had my car torn to pieces to sell for drugs, put my children with different people they did not know, and eventually took everything I had worked for. My cousin came to visit and found out about our situation, so she helped get things in order so I could have my kids back after I was released from the hospital. I don’t remember how long I was in there, because I had no emotions except rage.
My cousin stayed long enough to help us find stability. She kept my ex out of our lives and away from us, then she called my father and brother who lived in Louisiana and told them what happened. My father, who was living in Vermont at the time, came and rescued me and my girls and took us away from the boyfriend. That is when our new life began.
My father gave us a new life in Vermont and took partial legal custody of my girls until I could care for them again. He brought me to mental health and my journey to wholeness began. Over the last 13 years, we have developed beautiful lives here. Life was restored back to us.
My third daughter graduated with her criminal justice degree in May. She moved to Utah and now works for a lawyer and eventually will be a paralegal. My second daughter will be graduating with her criminal justice and psychology degree and plans on moving back to Texas in 2017. My oldest daughter has struggled the most after losing three babies due to miscarriage, but she has three living children. She was a head teacher for a prominent school here and has since decided to stay home and raise her children.
I got all the mental help I could to be the best mother I could to my children and now I have been helping people everywhere who are struggling with all addictions, especially crack and heroin, which is rampant in the town we live in. My passion is to help others on the street; I have many certificates for trainings I took here. Most importantly, I have learned about healthy relationships so I can be with someone who loves and cares for us.
I also have a desire to go into prisons and help people uncover the reasons behind their crimes and why they keep reoffending. I would like to eventually become a counselor so I’ve been attending twelve-step meetings and working with someone who brings twelve-step programs into facilities, including mental hospitals, to help people who are struggling with drugs and alcohol. I have almost completed my associate’s degree in human services to help achieve my goals.
My life did have a turning point that I can identify. After many relationships that followed a pattern, I married a repeat alcohol offender and former cocaine dealer who had issues with his own mother in 2016. It was then that my father and I realized that I had spent many years trying to mother men who did not have mothers. I would become caretaker to these men, and it had to stop. I will be divorced in February 2017 and move on with my life in the hopes that I can find happiness.
I have been clean from alcohol and drugs for nearly six years now and I hope to stay this way. I hope this mostly so I don’t lose my three daughters and grandchildren.
Because I kept giving even when I did not have anything to give, and because I took on too much in caring for my mother and others, my disabilities came out. But I am happy now and my life was spared. I live everyday helping addicts and those in need but I now draw clear boundaries and let other people choose their own directions in life. I am now 50 years old and have lived through all kinds of abuse for many years of my life, but now I can help other women who are in those situations and feel stuck because they have become mothers to the men they love.
I’ve learned that I have to take care of me. I can help when I can and I am able, but I can’t let anyone take me for granted. People must own their actions and pay the price of their actions. I can’t feel sorry for people when they need to face their own consequences. The best we can do in our lives is take care of ourselves and our own families and hope that the people we help will find their way in life.