The Road to Recovery
As I was finally forced by my health to give up all drinks and drugs, I had no idea what was coming toward me. I was very scared. The “unknown” kept holding me back from doing the right thing. I was at a hospital several times in the ICU and managed through miracles to survive each time. One day, I had an appointment with my doctor. He told me, “You stop drinking now or you’ll die in a half year!” I came home and my husband asked me what happened at the doctor’s office. I told him, “I have to die.” To stop drinking was not an option somehow in my head. My brain did not process this information. It took me several weeks to recall this talk and I came to believe that there may be something else besides dying in my life. I called for help, I got help and I am alive now three years after this talk.
During this year, I was on a road to recovery. I visualized it as a real road. I had to stay on it and keep walking, whatever it took and whatever came in my way. I often looked back and wanted to have my old life back so I could go out and drink like all the others could. But I had to remember that I have to face the consequences in this case and die. I did not want this. There were often obstacles in my road. Lots of them made me cry. But I remembered to keep walking my road. Some days I walked pretty slow, crawled and had to push myself. Other days I went jogging with a song on my lips. Those were the days that brought me further than I even realized. Along my road, I met many interesting people. We walked together for a while and exchanged our experience. Then everyone has to get back to his own pace. But often you can drag others along when they have a hard time at a particular moment.
When I struggled and stumbled along my recovery road, there was always a helping hand that came out of nowhere to stop me from falling. This help often came from people in my meetings and fellowships. They also cheer me up when the road got a bit bumpy. Many of them seem to stand left and right of my path and when I move too close to the edge of the road, they gently push me back in the middle, where the walk is easier. If I come to a split in the way or a detour, they show me which way to take. My previous life consisted of running around in circles, going nowhere in a labyrinth without a solution. I was driving in a circle for years and years. I was aware that I need to change my life but I was too afraid to take a way out. I’d think that each way out could be the wrong one, so I better keep circling. I wasted time! Precious time! It was the time of my life that nobody can give me back!
As I continued mile after mile, I grew in my strength, my spirituality, my faith, my health and my hope. The road is getting smoother and easier as time goes by. If I look back now, I see my biggest asset: my experience. I can share that with others and use it for myself. My experience tells me now very clearly that I do not want to drink or drug again. I am a happy customer of recovery. Misery is refundable. I do not do exchanges anymore.
Don’t look back to go back, look back to see how far you have gotten.
My outlook for the New Year is wonderful. My road is not a long distance full of obstacles, but an interesting way full of wonderful things yet to happen. I don’t want to go back. I would miss what is ahead of me! I am curious. The road is curvy, but curves don’t give me panic anymore. They make me move to the next corner, because I want to see what is behind. Usually, I find the prettiest flower in the form of the nicest people that I have met in my entire life! But I know what pain lies behind me if I turn around. I don’t need that again.
If you know somebody that needs help and should be on a road like this, give a helping hand! There are so many ways that you can help. He or she might only need to see a road sign pointing in the right direction in order to find this road. You can contact Heroes in Recovery if you’d like to know more.
I want to name my virtual road to recovery. Does anybody have ideas for a street name? Please post under in the comments section!
Happy New Year to you all!
Start moving and call for help. There are people that will put you on the right road!