Family
The things I never expected and am most grateful for in my recovery are the relationships I am now allowed to have with my family. When I was active in my addiction, I played the victim and blamed every fault, trauma and experience in my life on my family members. My parents were the ones I blamed for the majority of my shortcomings. I accompanied every sip of the drink and every toss of the bottle with, “Poor me,” and, “It’s all their fault.”
When I was blessed with the opportunity for recovery, I saw my responsibility for every error on my path and for every instance when I felt like something had been done to me. This gave me the opportunity to see life from a whole new perspective. I began to see that everything was connected and that I always had some part to play when I felt that I had been wronged. This is not to say that I did not experience some pretty horrific trauma in my life, but recovery took me out of the role of being a victim and gave me power to find purpose and meaning behind my suffering. It also gave me a chance to view my family in a different light. It gave me the opportunity to see that they, too, are human and did the best they could with what they got from their own experiences. After recognizing that we are all human and flawed, I could begin to heal.
This new perspective has allowed me to forgive and to receive forgiveness. I was able to do an amends process and ask my family members to forgive my actions and behaviors while I was in my active use. Some only desired my health and well-being going forward while others requested additional fulfillment. Regardless, I have relationships with my family members that I never dreamed of experiencing. I get to show up, and that, in itself, is the greatest gift of all.
The greatest blessing that comes with having my family back in my life is that I now get to enjoy their presence and love them without fear of rejection for my behaviors. I realize just how much my family loves and appreciates me and how much they did so even while I was in the darkness. The lengths they will go to love me is seen, appreciated and acknowledged in my life today. I truly am a blessed member of my family. I pray that I will continue to transmit this message to my children and to my family members. They bless my existence.
With gratitude, warmth, love and light, may you journey on to find your family waiting, loving and accepting you when you’re ready. We can only do this together.
Love and light, fellow travelers,
Adventure V