- Alcohol
Hi, my name is Teresa and I’m an alcoholic.
I grew up with five other siblings and my childhood was great! I had great parents that cared for us. We didn’t have a lot of money and things, but we had security and love. When I think back, I always felt like I just wasn’t good enough. I was always very nervous. I bit my fingernails and hated leaving my home and my mom. Every day before school I would get so worked up, I actually threw up, every morning.
My siblings used to make fun, and I don’t blame them. Probably today I’d be diagnosed with social anxiety. But whatever the case, what used to calm me was cough syrup. I never knew it had alcohol in it; all I knew is that I felt so great whenever I would take a swig before school. It became a little secret to me. It worked.
In my early teens, I hung out with my older sister a lot. I used to drink with them– same with my older brother. With my sister and brother it was weekend stuff. I was 13-14 years old and would spend the night with my sister and her husband who really didn’t drink, but always had it around for me!
I continued this drinking throughout the rest of my teens, into adulthood. When I left home at 18, I got married, moved to another state, started a family and was known as the “fun” person. At this time, I still didn’t realize that this drinking was progressing. My brother had sobered up and warned me, but I wasn’t as bad as him…right?
I had great kids, a wonderful husband…and I drank every day. If it wasn’t every day, it was every other day. One day for healing. In May of 2010 I had a heart attack. What? Well I had a blockage and they fixed it, told me I needed to stop drinking that much beer and smoking. I guess when I was out, my family told them my drinking habits. To say the least, I was bummed. Felt a little betrayed. I wasn’t that bad…was I?
I remember a nurse came into my room and I was feeling down and I told her how I was told I couldn’t drink beer anymore and I’m sorry, I love my beer. She told me, “Well you know WINE is good for the heart”. God bless her, she didn’t know who she was talking to. A door was opened.
So I started drinking wine, one glass led to three bottles…and I was back in the emergency room. The stent they put in my heart collapsed. Again, I was warned. I didn’t really heed that as I was back in getting a third stent in October.
My brother was in my head a lot at this point, and I have to tell you that in 2004 he passed of a heart attack because he had started drinking again. He was gone…was this my fate? So the anxiety was high at this point. I was unable to go anywhere. I couldn’t drive to my job.
There I was: me lying in a fetal position, crying, full of fear, and the only thing that I knew would help is if I drank it away–so I did. One day before work I ran and bought three cans of some kind of wine drink and I was drunk after one and a half cans.
That was December 1, 2010. I called into my work. I couldn’t tell you what I said but I wasn’t coming in, again. I called my niece, she was a nurse and for some reason I knew she would help me. I asked her to take me to treatment. She was at my house within three minutes flat.
We packed in another five minutes and I was out the door. I was checked in. Then on December 6th, I was taken from treatment to the emergency room with another blockage. This time it was in a spot that literally could have killed me if I had not gotten to the ER as fast as I did. I went back into treatment and was serious–I needed help. I never asked for help for anything before. I was sick, I was in need and I surrendered. I embraced the program with everything that I had.
I spent the 30 days in and I was coming to life! I was laughing, loving life. The one thing I remember that was so amazing to me was: at night, I was falling asleep, not passing out! I was waking up at 6am feeling good, not sick. I made some great friends, but the most important thing was, I was seeing Teresa—me– as a pretty cool person, sober!
After getting out of treatment, I did what they told me. I found a support meeting close to my house, I started going. I was still sick. I cried at those meetings for quite a while. The people in those meetings understood me! They encouraged me to keep coming back. I found a sponsor, started working the steps. My sponsor got me involved in service work right away. That was so great for me! The best I feel is when I am out of me and helping others!
It’s May 2014 and I am still sober, today! I take it one day at a time. God has removed that craving. I never thought I was worthy of anything God had to give out…well, was I ever wrong!
I never imagined my life as it is today. I have three amazing kids. In the 3.5 years of me being alive, I have seen four grandchildren be born. My job embraced me back. My family has embraced me. I’ve had to prove myself. Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t immediate, but they finally believe, Mom is going to be ok!
If I keep doing the things I’m supposed to do, I will be o.k. and so can you! I thank God every day for this life I have. I have regrets that I didn’t get this sooner, but for some reason, that wasn’t the plan! This is the plan, I had to participate. I couldn’t leave it all up to Him or others. I had to take action!
That is my story. I hope people reading this are encouraged. I was considered “hopeless.” I have learned no one is hopeless! I got that poison out of my system and out of my life! Today I don’t have thoughts to run to that drink for my solution–and for that I am very grateful!
God bless.