- Alcohol
- Drugs
Hi, I’m Brad, and I am a person in recovery. What that means is that I have not used drugs or alcohol for 4 ½ years. Before I found recovery, my life was a mess. I participated in all kinds of unhealthy behaviors like drinking, chasing women, taking drugs, and basic attention-seeking negative behaviors. So did I decide to seek help on my own? Nope! I got fired from my job and then I got two DUIs, which led to court.
Part of my sentence was going to rehab in addition to the jail time I received. Giving me rehab as part of my sentence was the best thing that could have happened to me! At about the middle of my rehab, I finally figured out that I am an addict.
Now I feel the freedom of chipping away the fear that kept me in unhealthy behaviors. I have done a lot of work to discover my core issues underneath it all. Years 2 and 3 of my sobriety are when I really started living without fear.
I no longer woke up in the middle of the night with a gasp, thinking “They’re going to know who I really am; what a lazy, stupid piece of crap I am.” I know who I am now and I am happy with that person. I am not who I thought I was. I know now that I am a person of value. Now I am living in freedom from fear and in fellowship with others. I have lots of friends who don’t want anything from me but friendship.
If you ask me what my biggest struggle is in maintaining my recovery, I would say stress. When three or four negative things happen all together, then they exponentially multiply in my mind, and I can get back into my disease really fast. It’s those times I know it is important to get to meetings and follow my program, and it gets me back on track.
Some people say I should feel proud. I am trying not to be proud, as that can lead me to think I have everything under control and I can ignore my recovery. I am very happy, though. I am happiest about helping others and being outwardly focused instead of being constantly focused on myself like I used to be. Don’t get me wrong, I can still get really self-involved really fast, but mostly I’m living for others and not me, and that’s a beautiful thing.
Here’s a piece of advice someone shared with me that I’d like to pass along: At the beginning, keep it simple. Don’t look for that high-profile, high-paying job. Maybe go for a minimum wage job for starters. Don’t try to change the world all at once. Keep the focus on your recovery first!