Complacency 101
I’ve already spent several minutes staring at a flashing cursor trying to decide if I want to use the word lazy or not. I’m not really sure if that’s the right word. So maybe I’ll just start typing and we’ll see. For sure. there is a difference between complacency and outright laziness– but maybe that line gets a bit fine from time to time. I mean, complacency holds this component of self-satisfaction that usually displays itself because we feel like we’ve already accomplished so much, or been through so much, or changed enough that it feels like we should be good to go for a while without having to expend much effort.
We almost always get complacent with the healing process when things are going pretty well. We feel like somehow we’ve “arrived” and everyone around us should be happy with how far we’ve come. Don’t get me wrong– I think it’s great to get to the point where you feel good about yourself and your life. That’s a beautiful thing. And I think it’s also really great to reach a place where you don’t feel like you’ve got anything you need to prove.
It’s a good thing to get comfortable in your own skin, but sometimes I think we get too comfortable. I’m not just pointing a finger here. I’m writing about it because this is something that I can see very clearly in other people that can be very difficult to recognize right away in myself. I feel like complacency is dangerous for that very reason and I wonder if you ever feel the same.
Complacency usually begins with a hardening of the heart. It’s subtle at first. It gets a little harder to say you’re sorry and it a little easier to make excuses. There is some degree of entitlement that sets in and we start (at least mentally) assigning blame to others for the shortcomings and difficulties in our lives. There is a sense of self absorption, often accompanied by isolation, almost always a lack of appreciation for what we’ve got, and honestly a lack of respect for the life we worked so hard to build.
I think sometimes we do actually get lazy. Yep, for sure the word is lazy. Lazy, but we’re in denial about it and probably trying to LOOK and SOUND busy. We might even start lying to ourselves about the level of commitment and actual elbow grease that we are willing to expend on a regular basis. Somehow we feel like we should get to keep all the credit we’ve accumulated (or at least most of it) without having to put in so much effort.
We’d like to be thought of as a great employee, friend, spouse, parent or whatever hats/labels we wear without having to work for it very hard. We even get offended when the people in our lives mention that we might be slacking. We get protective of our accomplishments, maybe a little defensive and maybe even angry that anyone would dare to stick their noses in our business and doubt what we worked so hard for… But therein lies the big question, “Are you still working for it?”
No one really wants to go back to that first step and start over but at some point you have to ask yourself, “Am I still doing some amount or some variation of all the things I had to do to get healthy?” If the answer is “no” then there is work to be done and there’s no time like the present.
Ask yourself these questions and commit to curing the complacency in your life:
- Do I still work some kind of program? Whatever that means for you, whatever worked for you– are you still doing it?
- Do I have someone to talk to that holds me accountable and helps me to stay on track? Do you still have a sponsor? Go to meetings, a support group or therapy? Work with others?
- Do I engage in some kind of regular moral inventory? Is some form of self study a regular part of your life? Do you make amends and let go of resentments fully and promptly?
- Do I take care of my spiritual connection? Do you meditate? Read spiritual texts? Pray? Go to church? Do you make conscious contact with your Higher Power on a daily basis?
- Do I express what I say I am in my actions? How hard are you working to be who you want to be? How do you treat the people you care about? How do you show them that you care? How do you talk to them? How do you treat and talk to strangers or people you don’t necessarily like? Do you carry the message of hope to those who still suffer?
Once you feel like you have honestly answered each of those questions you’ll know what you need to do next. Gratitude is the cure for complacency. Look around at your life and be grateful for what you have today. Be grateful for all the healing that has already happened and commit to putting in the effort required to stay healthy. Remember, it only works if you work it.
Oh yeah, and don’t forget the most important part– you’re worth it.
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