Grateful for Gratitude
When I first got sober, I remember hearing people so often talk about gratitude in recovery and the importance of it. I was encouraged early on to routinely make a gratitude list, focusing on things I was thankful for. As difficult as this was, I was always amazed at how much of a difference it made in my attitude. I could be in a stressful circumstance and end up feeling completely at ease and the only thing that changed about the situation was my attitude because I took time to focus on the positive things in my life.
I’ll never forget a night, early on in my recovery, that my wife and I were going out to dinner with a couple we knew from church. My anxiety was working me up and I was on the verge of cancelling. I was freshly clean and sober back then and I still couldn’t fathom having a normal social interaction with friends without the presence of drugs or alcohol. My anxiety had me thinking, “Great, this is going to be awkward” and “they’re just going to think I’m weird.”
But instead of cancelling and giving into my anxiety, I decided to turn to gratitude as I had been taught and so I made a gratitude list. On that list one of the things I wrote was, “I’m grateful that the biggest concern in my life right now is what my friends are going to think of me over a nice dinner.”
That thought immediately gave me a new perspective of the situation. It made me have a greater appreciation for not only my friends but for my sobriety. I realized after writing out that list that if I didn’t have my sobriety, I wouldn’t have even been in a situation where I’d be able to go out to a nice dinner with my wife and friends.
After gratitude helped me come to that realization, I remember my anxiety dissipating and just sort of fading away. It was replaced with joy and a new appreciation for the situation I was in. Of course, the dinner was amazing and we all had a great time and that night became one of my first experiences where I realized that I really can socialize and connect with people without drugs or alcohol.
Since that night, I’ve had many dinners both with my wife and other couples as well as many one on one occasions but those social occasions and the desire to be a part of them all really started that evening when I made that gratitude list.
Now had I not had that realization, I have no doubt that my anxiety that night would have carried over into dinner and my fears probably would have turned into reality and it very well may have been an awkward dinner that I regretted later. But it wasn’t, because of gratitude.
That night is just one of the many examples of the positive impact that gratitude has made in my life.
To me, gratitude is like that one friend that you know you can always count on to come get you out of trouble once you’re in a mess. For so long (my entire life really), shame, anger and fear were those friends that I always counted on. If things got tough, I would fall back to one of, or all of them and as much as they hindered me, I kept going back because they were familiar.
Well I think whether we’re in recovery or not, we could all benefit from making gratitude our new ‘familiar’. I’ve found that the more I stay grateful, the more prone I am to stay in a positive mindset.
Never underestimate the power of gratitude and the impact it can make in your life. For many people it’s a nice asset to have but for those of us in recovery, I think it’s absolutely essential to integrate it into our everyday lives. So make a list! Start small, maybe just two or three things that you’re grateful for, but be consistent because you never know what life changing realizations might just be waiting for you in one of those lists.
-Chris
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