The Healing Power of Service
When my only child Andy died in 2011 of a heroin overdose, my world as I knew it smashed into a million pieces. There are no words that can adequately describe my devastation. I was completely lost like a tiny boat in the middle of the ocean with no land in sight. It was the loneliest, scariest, most heartbreaking feeling in the world. All I could see was blackness. It was as if my soul had died along with my son. I lived in a trance-like state going through the motions as if I was alive, but inside I knew I was really dead. I was depressed, angry and deeply bitter about the unfairness of it all. I was just living to die so I could be with my boy again. I was so mad at God. I couldn’t believe he would take away my only child, my reason for living. I thought God obviously didn’t love me.
At a certain point, I realized I had to make a choice. I could go on in permanent misery and have a lousy, joyless life, or I could try to find something good and make the best of a terrible situation. It was actually a quote from Elizabeth Edwards, wife of former Senator John Edwards, which helped me move on. They lost their son Wade when he was only 18 years old, and both Elizabeth and Wade are buried in the same cemetery as Andy. Elizabeth passed on about a year before Andy. I used to sit on the bench at her grave and say, “Elizabeth, how did you do it? How did you go on?” One day I found a quote from her that said, “Resilience is accepting your new reality even if it’s less good than the one you had before.” I decided to accept the thing I could not change and try to find some happiness in my new reality. I also decided to give my son a beautiful legacy.
Life has a way of synchronizing. I wanted to better understand what Andy had gone through. I knew he had a lot of shame about becoming involved in drugs. I knew very little about how to help someone who becomes addicted, so I decided to educate myself. As I searched “stigma” and “addiction” on the Internet, I found a link to Heroes in Recovery. It immediately grabbed my attention. I read many of the stories on the site, and so many were like my son’s story! I decided to share my own story, and it felt good to know it might help someone else. I noticed they were looking for Lead Advocates. Maybe this was my way to help others! I applied and was welcomed with open arms. The rest, as they say, is history. I became deeply involved, and suddenly my whole perspective on life changed. I started to feel better!
I have learned so much about addiction. I get to work with some of the most wonderful people I have ever known and make a difference. I really feel that I am able to help people by being involved in this wonderful movement. There is healing power in helping others. It’s really true that you get back tenfold what you give. I am living proof. Just a week ago, I was having a conversation with someone, and I was telling them about my work with Heroes in Recovery. They said, “Wow, you really have a lot of enthusiasm. You have found your purpose again!” I realized they were right. I was helping others, but they were helping me just as much. Doing this work gives me comfort and a lot of joy.
In my service I also found my higher power, whom I call God, again. I have come to believe that God has a master plan and that he involves us in that plan. I believe we make agreements with each other and with God before we even come into the world. Things are happening the way they were meant to happen. I believe that it is possible Andy gave up his life early so that he might save many others through me. I stopped fighting the current and starting going with it instead. I reached out in service to others and consequently saved myself. I am deeply grateful for the years I had with my boy, the best years of my life. I am now able to give Andy the beautiful legacy he deserves, that of helping others and making a difference. You can find healing in service too!
A great way to be of service would be to share your story. Your story may save a life. It’s really easy. You can do it in one of two ways:
1) Go to Heroes in Recovery and share your story. Say Pam sent you.
2) Message me on Facebook and we can talk in person or you can text me your story.
In love and light,
Pam