So there I was lying on Andy’s bedroom floor hysterically pounding my fists and screaming “Why? Why? Why?” How could I ever find peace and joy again when I couldn’t even stand to be alive?
That was me, one month after the death of my son from a heroin overdose. I was in such a dark place, I didn’t see any way out of it. I was consumed with anger and guilt and “what ifs”. If only I had put him in rehab, if only I had been tougher or gentler or smarter or read more books or knew the signs better.
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If you have in some way been involved with the disease of addiction and the process of recovery in your life experience, it is part of your story. Whether your experience is as the addict, codependent, family member, counselor, co- worker, call center worker, friend, advocate, wilderness guide, celebrity, or 12 stepper, it is part of your story.
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I encourage anyone that struggles with doubts over whether or not he can actually turn from his current ways to doubt your doubts and believe that you can. Your belief doesn’t have to be that you will be magically restored overnight or that you will never have a desire to use again. Just have a belief that change is possible. A wise man once said, “Self-confidence is the key to all of life’s successes,” and self-confidence is not possible without believing in yourself.
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It is one thing to start the journey and get sober by simply thinking “Don’t drink.” But this is only the very beginning. Very quickly, cravings can set in, triggers can confront us, emotions can get overwhelming and problems can make us want to have a drink or take a drug again.
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In the beginning I saw sober people as the opposite of cool, a threat to my fun lifestyle, self-righteous, and either downright frightening, or plain old repulsive. I often looked at them and thought they can’t relate to me because they don’t know me.
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Attaching a stigma to those in active addiction has been carried on through generations. The labels placed on these individuals started when very little was known about the actual disease. It was still thought to be a behavioral choice.
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