Seeing life through the eyes of addiction for the past seven years has brought me some of the most painful and enriching moments of my life. The challenges, some obvious and others hidden, continue to help me grow. I have learned to meet those challenges to the best of my ability and by being honest and open with myself and turning inward.
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Turmoil can creep in like a breeze and cascade into a tornado of worries, doubts and insecurities. As we enter this phase of recovery, we can reflect, give praise and sit in the feeling of not being comfortable with the belief that it is all happening for the highest good. I believe that there is an end, once the lesson has been learned.
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In recovery I had to get rid of a lot of things from my past to make room for new things, new experiences, new friends, a new life. It was a good-bye not for tears but for the good and for growth. I had to let go of the past. I keep my memories (good and bad) and use them as stepping stones for my future, just as some flowers keep their bulbs.
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Addicts do not deserve to die. Many actually become addicted because of medication prescribed by a physician. Some become addicted because they did make that fatal error in judgment and “tried it in the first place.” But I ask, who among us has never made an error in judgment?
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This is the same prayer millions of people battling an addiction say every day. Most of the time this prayer will be prayed, and, once the negative consequences have passed, the old behaviors will resurface. The prayer is often sincere for a time, but it wears off.
Continue Reading As I was able to afford more, I began to take myself out to restaurants: Table for one. The first meal out was hard, but I made sure to do some solo dates at home before I actually took myself out all dolled up. I also made sure to include things in the date that I would normally do anyway such as rounding up with a night hike or reading a good book.
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