Growing Up in Recovery
I started attending 12 step meetings when I was 14 years old. At the time, I clearly knew very little about myself, never mind about life. As a young kid, I thought everything in life was pretty predictable. You go to school, make friends, prom, go to college, get married and eventually would have kids. Done. I have no idea where I got this concept, but that wasn’t my experience at all and it really isn’t the same experience for anyone.
My struggles started young (which now I can be grateful for) but I was convinced I got dealt a bad hand. I struggled to stay off drugs and live in the “real world” and not in treatment. Back then, I had no trouble being in treatment– when I left and was forced to cope with life without 24/7 support, I began to have trouble.
I had no idea how to have a relationship or conversation that wasn’t about doing drugs, jail or being in programs. I had no idea how to address my feelings. Getting a job? Forget about it. Saving money? People do that? All these “normal” life things were foreign to me.
This time around, I got sober when I was 18. I remember my 18th birthday and thinking, “Wow. I’ve spent every birthday since I was 14 in some type of program.” It felt pretty pathetic.
Since I’ve stayed sober, I have matured and grown up so much. I learned how to get a job and show up. I learned how to be accountable for my actions. I learned how to express how I feel to others. I’ve learned that it’s important to be able to go outside your comfort zone in order to get things done. The list goes on and on about what tools sobriety has given me. One thing I learned that means the most to me is the ability to function in society.
I remember always saying how I wanted to be a “normal” person. Today I don’t want to be normal. I just want to be able to wake up, feel good about myself and contribute something positive to the people I’m around most. Recovery has given me that. I believe I really started living when I got sober. That’s when I grew up. I’m not perfect and none of this came easy but in the past three plus years I know I have something to show for and it keeps getting better as I grow.
Do you have a specific experience when you knew you were growing?