My alcoholic way of thinking and the tendency to blame others for my misfortunes in life even led me to think that the medical field was to blame because it was their failure not to have a pill to cure me. Many alcoholics talk about their disease as being “allergic to alcohol.” That didn’t work for me because I’m allergic to so many things. Give me a pill or an inhalator or whatever, and it’ll take care of it! Where is the almighty medicine to cure this problem? It can’t be so difficult. I was angry at doctors because they told me they could not fix my problem.
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We are all here to break the negative stigma of addiction, and I realized that it begins with me. The more people who are open and talking about recovery, the more we are going to change society’s attitudes about it. So don’t be afraid. Don’t be afraid of who you are, where you have been or where you are going. If you are afraid, you don’t know what you may be closing the door on.
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One of the best definitions of stigma that I have found is, “An unfair label that associates a person to a set of negative characteristics that form a stereotype.” Is this any more true than in the case of addiction? Ask any number of people on the street what words come to mind when you say the word “addict.” You will likely hear words like “lack of willpower,” “morally deficient,” “poor,” “bad family,” “lazy” and “worthless.” Why is this the case, despite the fact that the mental health community largely accepts addiction as a complicated, multi-faceted illness? I have some thoughts about that.
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We come from all walks of life, but the one thing that rings true is the drive to succeed, whether it is the drive to get that next drink or drug, the drive to get clean and sober or the drive to get up and go to a job that you know you don’t love. Those of us in recovery speak a language of ambition, no matter how that energy was or is directed.
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I always look forward to spending time with friends. It doesn’t matter where we go, as long as we have time to talk and catch up with each other. It is a time to share, socialize and reconnect. No matter which friend or group of friends I am spending time with, it is rejuvenating for me emotionally, and I hope they feel the same.
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I was on a road to recovery. I visualized it as a real road. I had to stay on it and keep walking, whatever it took and whatever came in my way. I often looked back and wanted to have my old life back so I could go out and drink like all the others could. But I had to remember that I have to face the consequences in this case and die. I did not want this.
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