Now I had something I wanted. I wanted to have this twinkle, this joy in me that I saw in some people all of a sudden. I saw a spark of light and hope, joy and freedom. The more I paid attention to it I saw also love and compassion. I experienced a change: I wanted that twinkle in your eyes. I wanted to change from a person wearing a mask and seemingly free of any emotions to a human being that can express joy.
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Life has a way of synchronizing. I wanted to better understand what Andy had gone through. I knew he had a lot of shame about becoming involved in drugs. I knew very little about how to help someone who becomes addicted, so I decided to educate myself.
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Too often my wife and I would end up in a “good cop/bad cop” situation. Our son would play us against each other—quite masterfully, I might add—and manipulate us until he got what he wanted. I probably fell victim to his manipulation more than my wife did, but we both got suckered on many occasions.
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Early on in my sobriety I was completely immersed in the recovery world. I would feel like I was 40 years old when I was really 18. I was scared that in order to live I was going to have to sit in church basements and listen to old guys talk about the war. I was scared that I wasn’t going to laugh or meet people my age.
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The past six years have been dedicated to healthy sacrifice, to accept suggestions and something new into my world. It was so scary at first because I had no clue what was to come but that little voice inside of me said, “You can do this, and you never know, it might end up being a wise decision.”
Continue Reading Good nutrition with a well-balanced diet with lots of fruits and vegetables are essential to give the body what it needs to perform. A good workout program let me have some additional chocolate without shame and I love that feeling. I love my ice cream in summer and can get it without hesitation today.
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