Why do we operate on a 24-hour basis? The answer that I’ve come up with to this broad question is to find sanity. Generally speaking, I look to a lot of different affirmations to get my head moving in the right direction. Some of those include keeping my thoughts in today, reminding myself how fortunate I am to wake up sober another day and that I am very blessed to be in a position to help other people. I find if I don’t regularly practice this my thoughts get a lot harder to manage during the day.
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This year will mark the 6th year I will be sober at Christmas. I am very excited and grateful to be spending the holidays free of all the negative consequences I used to experience this time of year. I have money to spend on gifts. I am not trying to work around my drinking money or make plans around my holidays due to being hung over or feeling depressed. I get to let all my creative energy flow, fully be in the Christmas spirit and longer saturated in the delusion that I could successfully live in active addiction.
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The recovery process came into my mindset and healing began. So the thing that has worked for me is sticking to this no matter what. I welcome the random intuitive thoughts as they are rays of hope that I can be aware of my behaviors and recognize if I need to change them to yield positive results.
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The past six years have been dedicated to healthy sacrifice, to accept suggestions and something new into my world. It was so scary at first because I had no clue what was to come but that little voice inside of me said, “You can do this, and you never know, it might end up being a wise decision.”
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The problem was that instant gratification only lasted for a short period of time. It became very easy to use the little things as a scapegoat for my behavior. As I transition into a deeper understanding of all of who I am the importance of these circumstances have changed. I see them as guided messages to a healthier future. Either continuing something that works or stopping the momentum of something that does not.
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God stepped in and showed me the first step. In fact God has walked with me on this path of self-discovery. I had to make choices to see it. Now I appreciate figuring out new things about myself every day, both good and bad!
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